Forgetting Isn't the Hard Part
by giripan107
Summary: Lovino wants nothing more than to put his past abusive relationship behind him, and open his heart to Antonio. But the emotional scaring is just to deep for Lovino to handle on his own. Can he fully put his past behind him and start a new life with Antonio? Or is he even ready to move on? Warning: Characters are human, abuse , past rape, and boyxboy. Can't handle don't read.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys so this story is going to be a little different from my other ones. I had the idea for just a few days and thought I might as well give it a shot. But if you will notice from the summary that there is going to be a lot of violence in this story, I just want to make it clear for everyone that if you can't handle domestic abuse then please don't read. Anyway I hope you all like it, and don't worry Spain is not going to be the abuser, he's far from it. Also this story is going to be in Romano's POV.**

**Warning! : Characters are humans not nations, past domestic abuse, past rape, and boyxboy.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia**

* * *

I wasn't going to say that everything perfect now, that everything was all fucking sunshine and rainbows. Because it **wasn't! **

I mean true that my life had taken a gigantic turn for the better, but that didn't mean that I fully had my life back.

HELL NO! If anything I have like a fucking quarter of it back dammit! A-And I was really starting to think that there was no getting it back at all. I know that most of you guys would be like, 'But Lovino, it's over now. Your not with that cheep, psycho, manipulating, perverted, fucking asshole dickface loser anymore! How can you say you don't have your life back?'

Well I'll tell you dammit! ...I-I'ts because he took that.

Shit, that bastard took so much from me, but whatever. It's not like I even fucking care anymore!

It's not like I still have nightmares, and secretly think that he's coming back for me.

HELL FUCKING NO! I don't give two shits! I never have, and I never will!

...

Except maybe that I do give...maybe _one _shit.

_Ugh, _dammit all I really want is to be able to put it behind me. You know like _Hakuna Matata, _except this isn't a fucking movie! It's not like I could just so easily put it behind me, and totally forget about it! Because it's not that fucking easy dammit! Maybe it's easy to forget supposedly killing your father and running away from your home and birthright! But it isn't so fucking easy to forget about really bad past relationships! It's fucking hard as hell, dammit!

...I-I think I'm saying 'fuck' to much? Oh whatever, I'll say _fuck _as long as I _fucking _want to, _FUCK!_

But one thing I really can't deny though, are my...f-feelings toward Antonio. That romantic bastard.

After the whole mess with...um, _him. _Well just everything that had gone on with all that stuff and shit. I never thought that I could...you know...fall in love again.

But I did! HA TAKE THAT YOU FUCKFACE!

*cough* Sorry about that, anyway I just really, really appreciate everything that Antonio had given to me, and continues to give me.

I only wish I could give him the same.

I'm not saying that it's some kind of weird one sided relationship, no, absolutely not! I'm his boyfriend, and he's mine. He even fucking lives in my house dammit! Well not officially.

To be brutally honest, I-I'm...scared. There I fucking said it! I'm scared! I-I just don't know if I'm ready to really commit again.

Oh fucking, damn shit! It's just really hard.

I mean it was years ago when the relationship ended with _him. _I would actually say that it was about 4 years ago. Yeah, 4 fucking years ago and I'm still afraid. Oh god I'm such coward...

I-I-I just don't always feel...safe. I feel more empowered then I did four years ago, no **I am** more empowered! But it doesn't change the fact that it did happen, and who knows maybe I'll never get over it? Or maybe I already have, but this is just lingering thoughts or something? I don't fucking know!

Maybe it's the thought of another serious relationship that is making me feel this way, 'cause god knows my first one was flushed down the toilet.

I just don't want to get hurt again.

* * *

"Lovi, sweetie, can I ask you a question?"

It was like the fucking middle of the night, and while I was trying to catch some much needed zzz's, that fucking idiot decided to wake me the fuck up!

"What is it dammit! I was trying to sleep!"

"Sorry sweetie, but I...I wanted to ask you about that dream, or nightmare I should say, that you had last night. I just wanted to know what is was about."

"Dammit Antonio you already asked me that like ten times today, just drop it! I told you it was nothing!"

I hated lying to him, I really hated it. But it wasn't like I could actually tell him about it! You know why? Because he would change if he knew. Because I...I-I hadn't told him about my past relationship. I know you all must think it's dumb to keep such a thing a secret from your boyfriend, but you see I have to. I've seen it happen before, so I know it could happen again. I get to comfortable around him, I tell him all about how my ex used to beat the living shit out of me day in and day out, and than **BAM**, he's a a whole new person around me. It happened before, with an old close guy friend of mine(not anymore of course), I told him about it and he became like this big fluffy teddy bear. Yeah a fucking teddy bear!

He acted like ever step I was about to take I was going to step on a shard of glass. I bet he would have even tucked me in at night and read me a fucking bed time story! It was ridiculous! He treated me like less of a human being because he was so scared of hurting me, he wasn't being genuine with me anymore. And, dammit, I love Antonio, yeah that's right I fucking said it, I love him, and I don't want him to change. Ever.

"I know Lovi, I'm sorry. I just want to make sure your okay. Are you okay my love?"

I rolled my eyes, manly because I was trying to ignore the blush on my face, "Yes Antonio, I'm fine, okay?"

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Okay."

"Alright. Now let me get some damn sleep!"

"I love you."

"Yeah, I love you to."

"Can I have a goodnight kiss from you my love?"

I didn't answer him at first, I just sorta huffed and puffed.

"Please Lovi, I promise I'll be quite afterwards."

"Alright, come here." I pressed my lips against his, they were so warm. But soon enough I landed back from the kiss, and layer down again, "Now goodnight Antonio!"

"Goodnight my love."

Even though I didn't always admit to it, I loved that smug bastard. I really, really loved him. Which is why is breaks my heart that he thinks the only person that has ever...had sex with me and shit, and the only person who's ever had my heart was him. It really breaks my heart, but I just can't tell him, I really can't.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys so I hope you liked the the last chapter! Anyway I don't really know what else to say, so please enjoy this chapter. Oh and by the way theres a flash back in this chapter so be prepared. (Lion King references tee-hee)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia**

* * *

I swear I was losing my fucking mind! Everything was starting to make me dizzy again, just like before.

You know why? Because in just a few days my divorce is going to be finalized. I couldn't even get out of bed in the morning anymore. I fucking hated myself for feeling this way, I mean shouldn't I be happy that I am no longer technically married to that fuckface loser anymore. Well...well, oh shit, I don't know!

I don't know how to feel about it, as crazy as it may sound.

Maybe that's it? Maybe I am crazy?

I just want everything behind me, like it never happened. But of course the calendar fixed that for me! I woke up yesterday, before Antonio as usual, and when I noticed the date I swear to you that I had some kind of a heart attack! This friday! This motherfucking friday was the day my divorce from the asshole was going to be finalized! Shouldn't I be leaping with joy and screaming, 'Oh god yes! I'm finally divorced from that motherfucking bastard! Oh what an absolutely perfect joyous stupendous day this is.' Well I'm not!

In fact I feel like shit!

You know we weren't even married that long, we dated a really long time though. To long in fact. **Way to fucking long!** Okay we only dated for like three years. Three years, nine months, and six days to perfectly exact. And we were married for about seven months of those nine.

But it felt so much longer...

Maybe that was because each day felt like a year, and every second felt like an hour. No matter where I went or what I did or...**DAMMIT!**

I need to stop thinking about it! Shit!

But how could I, when...when t-there's so much work to be done.

...wait...what?

* * *

Flashback...

_"I'm going out for a bit angel, do you need me to get you anything for you?"_

_I shock my head, and just continued to stare out the window. In a trance as usually. Until something struck my mind._

_"O-Oh...um, w-wait, wait honey. I was wondering if I could go out with my brother, and Kiku tonight. You know it's Kiku's birthday tomorrow, and Heracles is taking him on a vacation tomorrow."_

_He looked at me with that look of contempt again, then smiled that smile that I so hated. The one that he gave me whenever he's trying to prove that I'm stupid, and he's right about everything._

_"Oh my sweet, sweet Lovi. I just don't think that's a good idea. I mean come on, how can you go out when there's **so much **work that has to be done?"_

_"Work? But honey, I work all the time. I may not work a real job like you do, that receives pay. But I do keep up the house. Please, can't I just have one day for myself?"_

_"No, Lovi. I'm sorry but I already have plans to go out tonight."_

_"Why is it okay for you to go with your friends while I'm stuck inside the house all day long?!"_

_"Stop it Lovino! I'm not talking about this anymore, and stop being so selfish!"_

_"I'm being selfish?!" I really needed to shut up if I knew what was good for me, but I didn't, "Your really one to talk! Acting all high and mighty! You can't just tell me what to do I'm your boyfriend!"_

_He started chuckling, and I couldn't help but be scared, "My boyfriend. My boyfriend, yes you are and I will not allow you to talk to be like that!" He screamed _

_He punched me in the face so hard I feel to the floor, and I started to cry in fear and agony. _

_"SHUT UP!" He screamed and started kicking me in the stomach._

_"Ahh, please stop! P-P-P-Please stop, I'm sorry, I'm s-s-sorry." He finally stopped kicking me, then knelt down to my level and grabbed a fist few of my hair. Yanking my head up so he could look at my face._

_"Are you going to talk to me like that again? Huh? ARE YOU?!"_

_"N-N-N-No, no, no, I won't. I'm sorry, I-I'm sorry."_

_"Alright then sweetie, okay, I'm sorry to", his voice had returned to it's normal, soft, and gentle tone, "Oh goodness, look at what you made me do to you angel. I'm sorry, no more okay. I love you."_

_"I love you to."_

_He kissed me, the way he always did. Sweet, gentle, loving, but in a way...empty._

* * *

Just thinking about such things made me want to vomit.

Maybe I really shouldn't feel to bad about the finalization of the divorce? No I definitely shouldn't.

Nobody can live under those kinds of conditions.

But then again it was because of _him_ that I got to see the pretty bad ass side of my little brother that I didn't know he had. Holy shit my brother wanted nothing more than to fucking kill that bastard!

Feli did call the cops on him before, more than once actually. But during that point in my relationship with _him _I was still extremely blinded and manipulated but that fuckface asshole motherfucking bastard. So I always denied the charges.

Damn! I was such an idiot! I actually thought he could change. Huh, yeah right.

...well maybe a little more along the lines of that, I-I wanted him to change.

WAIT! What the hell am I thinking! I mean sure I wanted him to change, and gave me every excuse in the damn book! But who the hell was I tying to fool, he wasn't changing!

And now I have Antonio. Oh shit, I-I really need to get serious with him.

I can't keep running anymore, I just can't.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys thanks so much for the reviews! I'm so glad that this fanfic is going well so far. So in the last chapter you got a taste of what Lovino's ex husband was like, real bitch right? Anyway I hope you guys like this chapter! Also just so your all aware, some movies that I would recommend watching about domestic violence awareness would defiantly be either 'Intimate Strangers', or 'Sleeping with the Enemy' I don't own either one of them(obviously). **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia**

* * *

I was gonna go home and...I don't know, talk to Antonio. I really needed to, not about my past relationship or anything, just...

_Ugh, _I don't fucking know! I just feel like I'm being unfair to him.

I-I need to let him in more, I need to learn to trust again. Or at least try to dammit!

_Ring..._

But what the fuck would I tell him?

_Ring..._

I can't just go up to him and say 'Hey Antonio, you know how you think you took my virginity and all. Well you didn't. In fact I was actually in a previous marriage before I meet you, but don't worry our divorce is almost finalized. Oh and did I mention that he used to beat me senseless everyday, just thought you'd like to know that.'

_Ring..._

NO! Of course I can't!

_Ring..._

"What the hell do you want!" I screamed into my cellphone.

"Lovi? It's me."

"Feli? What do you want? I'm pretty fucking busy here you asshole!" That was lie, right now I was in an ice cream parlor stuffing my face with, you guessed it... Ice Cream!

"Sorry Lovino, I just wanted to talk to you about, you know...your divorce..."

I couldn't really get words out, and it wasn't because of all the pre melted ice cream in my mouth, no it was because...I knew he was going to talk to me about it.

"So what do you think Lovino? Are you happy, happy it's finally all gonna end!"

"I-I-I guess so."

The other end of the phone was silent for a bit. So I stuffed my face full with another _gigantic _scope of ice cream.

"You guess so? What does that mean Lovino? ...Oh my god, I swear if you tell me that you miss that loser I'll..."

"No, no, no Feliciano. It's not like that...it's just I...I-I don't know, ugh it's complicated."

"Yeah I get it...you know Lovi I, um...I heard news about _him, _about Xander. Apparently he got into some trouble."

"Did he now?" I swear all I wanted was to go fucking through myself off a bridge right now!

"Yeah, y-you don't think he did anything like rob a bank, or murder someone do you?!"

"No, he wouldn't do that Feli."

"How do you know he would 't do that?"

"Because I _know _him Feli. So you can trust me when I say he wouldn't rob a bank or anything. And he wouldn't just go out and start killing random people. No I'm pretty sure the only person he would ever want to kill would be me."

"...I'm sorry."

"It's fine."

"No, I really am sorry. About everything that you went through and all. But I guess you've already heard everything right?"

I gulped down a lump, my hands started to get sweaty, my heart beat began to race, and started to breath in sharper breaths. "W-w-w-w-w-w-what did you say?" I said it so low I doubt he could hear me at all.

All these feelings started to race up, he really shouldn't have said that, he really, really shouldn't have said that.

"Lovino? Lovino, what's wrong?! Are you okay?!"

All I could see was his face, that, t-that damn face of his. I was scared, I was so scared of him, I was...

* * *

_"You bitch! Do you think I want to do that? Huh? DO YOU?! ANSWER ME DAMMIT!"_

_"Xander stop! Please stop, p-p-please! S-S-Stop, Xander, **Xander**, AHHH. Stop!"_

_"Do you think I want to hurt you! You make me hurt you! You motherfucking whore! ...STOP CRYNG DAMMIT!"_

_He through me across the room again, I hit the coffee table. So he grabbed my hair, and slapped me across the face. He picked me up again, and punched me until I fell to the ground._

_"XANDER! PLEASE STOP!"_

_"Don't you tell me what to do! Don't you dare try and act all innocent you worthless cunt! You fucking deserve...(slap)everything you...(slap)fucking get...(slap)you fucking bitch! I SAID STOP CRYING."_

_He grabbed my shoulders and dragged me over to the wall, he pined me against it and put his hand around my neck, and began to chock me. I could barely breath anymore, but he just squeezed me neck tighter._

_"X-Xand-der I-I c-c-can't b-breath! Gah!"_

_Finally he let go of me, and I dropped to the floor. I coughed and wheezed in pain. Trying to catch my breath. But soon enough he came after me again, I tried to crawl away be he grabbed my hair, picked me up, and through me across the room again. When I feel to the floor he started kicking me. I just screamed and cried in pain, what else could I do? _

_I wasn't sure how much longer the beating went on for, but it eventually ended._

_I wasn't in pain anymore, because my body had gone numb._

_And I wasn't sure whether or not I was bleeding from my mouth, or my nose. Probably both._

_I just sat there on the ground, and cried. Cried because I was helpless, because I couldn't do anything else, because I was scared._

_"Alright baby, everything is okay now, okay? I'm sorry. I'm sorry, no more alight. I promise. You know I didn't mean those things I said. I love you so, so much my lovely Lovi."_

_"I-I love you to, I love you. I'm sorry, can you, y-you..."_

_"There's no need to say it sweetie, I'm not mad at you anymore, I could never stay mad at you. I love you." He kissed my cheek very gently, and cleaned my up as gently as he could._

_We really never had to say anything to each other after it happened. Because we both knew that everything had already been said, promised, and broken._

_There was nothing left of either of us._

* * *

When I woke up I was...I was at home...

In my fucking bed?! How the hell did I get here?

...

"Lovi? Oh thank god your awake!"

"...Antonio?...How did I get here?"

"Oh I got a call from Feli. He said you had another emotional break down. I'm so sorry my love!"

"Why the hell are you apologizing?"

He was quiet for a second or two. Like he was thinking about what to say or something.

"Well, you know that I don't know what causes your breakdowns. I wish I did. W-Well...maybe I have an idea..."

I shot him a look, and narrowed my deadly daggers at him, "What do you mean you have an _idea?"_

"You know, with your parents and all."

...

Ohhhhhhhh, right, I had totally forgotten about that! I haven't seen my deadbeat father since he left when I was five!

Yeah fucking **five**years old dammit! And I never _really_ talked to my mother anymore, neither did my brother. But who really cares anyway? She's is a drunk after all.

"Y-Yeah, I guess so..."

"I'm just glad your okay. I love you."

"Yeah, I-I love you to."

He pressed his lips against mine, and this time I didn't try to fight him. In fact, I actually melted into the kiss.

_Ugh,_ dammit! Antonio is so sweet. Why couldn't I just open my heart to him? Why couldn't I just fucking trust him?

My god, I am such a cowardly idiot!


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello everyone. So I just wanted to make myself clear on one thing. And it's that those flashbacks that Lovino has aren't really easy for me to write. Just thought you should all know that. Anyway I'm gonna be showing a lot about their past relationship, and so this chapter is going to be in Antonio's POV. Another thing is that I'm really sorry about the few grammar mistakes, my mac is really buggy and I lose paragraphs and have to start over a lot :P Hope you guys like this chapter!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia**

* * *

Antonio's POV...

I really, really love Lovi. I love him so, so much.

...

It's just that, ever since we first started dating it was like he was hiding something from me. And I know now that that _something _is something very important. I try to talk to him, but he just shuts me out.

It's almost like me doesn't fully trust me.

But I want to be there for him. I want to make him feel safe, and feel like he never has to be scared ever again, of anything! Because I'm here for him ...But it's so hard.

It wasn't any kind of a secret to anybody that Lovino wasn't telling me something, something really important. And although I'm not proud of it, I-I just have to figure out what that is!

So I made up a list of all the people that might(or defiantly) know about whats wrong with Lovino:

**1: **Feliciano

**2: **Ludwig

**3: **Kiku

**4: **Heracles

**5: **Alfred(maybe even Arthur?)

**6: **Feliks

**7: **Toris

...Yeah, that seemed about right.

I didn't go to school with Lovi, or even grow up with him. So I know for a fact that at least one of these people will know whats wrong.

But I did go to collage with him.

...Well...not for very long. I remember back when we were nineteen we were taking a class together. He did in fact catch my eye. How could he not! With his absolute adorableness!

But than all the sudden he stopped coming to class, and I heard that he had dropped out! Which was odd, because I remember him having really, **really **good grades. School is still kind of a touchy subject with Lovino. He's really upset about not having a collage degree when the rest of his friends, and everyone else he knows does. That's the whole reason he can't a _real _job.

...I'm getting ahead of myself.

I just needed to get to Feli and Ludwig's house.

* * *

I didn't like the way Ludwig was looking at me, not at all. I felt like I was snooping around in some kind of secret epidemic. Feli just smiled kinda nervously at me. They knew something didn't they?

"W-Why do you want to know anything about my brother before he meet you?"

Oh they defiantly knew something!

"Well Lovino is my boyfriend, and I just want to make sure he's okay and all. You know how he gets with conversation."

Feli just shock his head, "There isn't anything to know of. Really."

"Ugh...So we're going to have to relive that crap again, huh?"

"Ludwig!"

Ludwig just shrugged it off, and smoothed his hair back. I could tell he was annoyed...no, no not annoyed, more like...nervous.

"What does he mean, Feliciano?"

"Nothing, it's just...nothing. L-Listen Antonio, why don't you go back home. I'm sure Lovi really needs you right now."

"Yeah, I guess...b-but I know that something is up with Lovino! Don't you think I have a right to know!"

Feliciano just looked at me for a bit, his eyes were kind of sad looking, "Yes I do. But you won't be hearing it from me."

"C-Come on Feliciano! I have a right to know what is wrong with my boyfriend! I-I just love him so much, and I don't want him to hurting so much, and without me even knowing what the cause is! I feel so helpless, that I can't even protect the one I love from something that I don't even know about! Please, just please give me something! I deserve to know!"

They just kinda went back and forth, looking at me, and then at each other, and than back at me. I wasn't to entirely sure of what they were doing know. Either just stalling until a good opportunity came for me to leave. Or they were really contemplating on weather or not they should tell me something.

...

"L-Listen Antonio. Somethings are really better left unsaid, and unknown, okay? We are so, so sorry about everything, but I...we think you and Lovino will be much happier if you simply don't know, okay?"

...

_What?..._

I didn't really know what to say to that, so I just left. What could I say? Maybe I didn't say anything because I was so angry that they were still keeping things from me. Or maybe it was because now I know that whatever is happening to Lovino, or had happened, it must be pretty awful.

...I mean, unless of course it was something else. U-Unless, Lovino was...cheating on me.

No! Absolutely not! There's no way he could cheat on me, Lovi isn't like that. He's not an unfaithful person. B-But he has been acting strange the past few months, but he still wouldn't do that. I-I mean I don't think so.

He loves me, I know he does. Even if he may not always show it in the best ways, or as often as I know he would like to. He still wouldn't do that!

I mean, maybe. I-It would be the l-logical thing right?

I started to really hate myself went the tears started falling, I just couldn't think about that to much, or at all really!

I mean what else is there? He's never been with anyone else, and we've only been dating for about two years now. I just, don't know what else it could be.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey everyone. So school started for me, and it'a gonna be a little hard for me to post as often as usual. But I am still going to continue with this fan fiction of course. It's sad, but pretty interesting to write. I get to do a lot of research, and watch a lot of movies to get ideas for this story. But it is very depressing of course. Another movie that I would like to recommend for domestic violence awareness would be "The Burning Bed". Hope you guys like this chapter, and sorry about the long wait.**

**Declaimer: I don't own Hetalia**

* * *

My mom would be really happy to hear about the finalization of my divorce coming so soon. But I absolutely refuse to talk to her! That woman is nothing but trouble!

...

But it would make her really happy. In fact she was the one who immediately realized that something was up with Xander. The very moment I told her I was dropping out of university she knew something was wrong.

I didn't listen to her though! Hell, I didn't listen to anybody! As crazy as it may sound, I thought they were all against me. ME! I'm such an idiot! ...Can't really blame myself though, I was manipulated. What do you want from me?

I thought, no I knew he loved me. He just couldn't control himself. He had saver anger issues. You all may think I'm defending him, but I'm not! I'm just telling it how it is. And that's how it was. Xander was never one of those guys that hunts down people to seduce them and then drag them off to hell. No! Of course not! He was a real and true person at one point. Then I saw his true colors.

Oh dear god, I'm about to fucking DIE! I just needed to splash some water on my face and i'd be good. I went into the bathroom and just started splashing handfuls of water on my face. Ice cold water. I had a pit in my stomach, maybe it wasn't such a good idea that I keep on thinking about him.

But than out of no where I got a headache.

Oh no, not just a normal headache. This one was like a hammer slamming against my head! So I grabbed the aspirin out of the mirror cabinet. Dammit! It hurt so much!

I swallowed two of them and started breathing all heavily. Praise the Lord! It was going away.

I sucked in a sharp breath, and closed the mirror cabinet. "Hello angel."

I couldn't move, couldn't breath, couldn't do anything. My fear was eating my alive, but I still looked up into the mirror. And I saw him. I screamed as loud as I could, and punch the glass...maybe I shouldn't have done that...

"Ahhh! Fuck that hurts! Oh god..." When I turned around no one was there. So I just rapped my bleeding, and oh so painfully stricken, hand in a towel. I didn't know what to do than, my emotions were just all over the place. So I did something that my pride was pretty used to by now. I started crying, like the baby I am.

Just...just you know...rapping myself up in a ball on the bathroom floor, and you know...crying my eyes out and stuff. No big deal.

I was a wreck, I was just ruined.

* * *

Antonio's POV

If I put everything together it totally made sense. Except for the fact that he wouldn't do that to me. But other than that it made really good sense. Lovino was cheating on me.

The panic attacks.

The isolation.

Never needing much of me.

Not trusting me.

Keeping secrets.

Even Feli told me it was better if I didn't know! What am I supposed to say to that?

How am I going to deal with this? Just go up to Lovino and ask him? No, I can't do that. He would most likely just deny everything. And...well I don't really have proof that he is. But he could be!

Maybe I should talk to someone else about it? Lets see...Kiku and Heracles.

By the time I got to there house I was after six. Lovino was probably going to get worried, but I couldn't think about that right now. I just had to talk to them.

"Antonio? What brings you here?"

"Oh, um...hello Kiku. I just wanted to talk to you and Hercules for a second. Is that okay?"

"Of course. Please come in."

Kiku and Hercules' house was beautiful. They were married now and wanted to move into a bigger house together. I wish me and Lovino could commit like that.

"Hera, can you come please. Antonio is here."

Heracles came down the steps as slowly as he always did. He probably just woke up to. He started at me with groggy eyes. I liked him and all, but he was a little to calm and relaxed for me.

"Hi Heracles." He just waved his hand as if he was shooing me away. Well that wasn't rude at all.

"Sweetie." Heracles looked at his wife, and it was like he had awoken from a trance. "What? ...Oh...ah okay. I'm sorry my love. It's nice to see you again Antonio."

"Is there something you needed Antonio?"

Damn. I had almost forgotten about everything. "Yes! Actually, I wanted to talk to you both about Lovino. It's just that...well, I think he may be cheating on me..."

"Cheating?! Why on earth would he do that?"

"I don't know. Listen something has been going on with him for awhile. I'm a hundred percent sure about what it is. But it's something. And I love him, so I want to make sure he's okay, and not cheating on me. I deserve that much right?"

They just looked at me with shocked faces. No Heracles was really awake. I don't think they knew what to say at all. "Um...Antonio. W-Would you please excuse us for a moment."

Kiku took his husband into the kitchen and they just started talking. Now I was getting really pissed off.

"Maybe we should tell him?" Heracles whispered.

"We can't honey! You know we promised Lovino."

"I know. But he is right, he deserves to know. I would like if one of my friends was keeping a secret about you."

"I just don't think we should. What if it makes matters worst?"

"I guess your right sweetie. Alright we won't tell him..."

Their conversation trailed off slightly. And everything went kinda silent. You know that really awkward silence that makes your hair stand up. It was pretty annoying.

"Um...Antonio?"

"Yes."

"We've decided we're not telling you. Please leave now if you will."

_GAH! _What the hell!

I thought it would be best if I just left. So I did. I went all the way back home with nothing. This was getting ridiculous, all I wanted was to know. I didn't need details, or some kind of explanation to it all! I just wanted to know what was happening to Lovino.

Why won't anyone tell me?

By the time I got home it was seven thirty, I knew I was gonna get an earful. But it didn't really matter. All I wanted was to go to bed, I was exhausted, and not in the mood for anymore conversation.

There was just no way he could be cheating on me. I know him...

...Well I think I know him.

In fact I didn't really know that much about him yet. We've only been dating for about two years, and I don't know that much about his past. I know that his mom is an alcoholic, and his dad was a deadbeat who left when he was young. But other than that I don't know that much about him. At all really.

Maybe it was time to find out.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hello everyone! Sorry it took me so long on my last chapter. I was really busy. **

**So you are all aware this chapter contains a sex scene! Here I'll put it in all caps so you are absolutely aware! SEX SCENE IN THIS CHAPTER!**

**Enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia**

* * *

_"I love you Lovi. So much."_

_"I love you to Xander. I always will." My love for him was boundless, he was my everything. And I thought he would always be._

_"...You know Lovi, I was thinking..."_

_"Thinking what?"_

_"Oh...um, it's nothing never mind. You'll just think it's dumb anyway..."_

_"What? No I won't! Nothing you say could ever be dumb to me Xander. I mean it."_

_"You promise?"_

_"Yes, I promise. Now what is it?"_

_"Well, I was thinking that you and me are pretty great together. I've never felt this way about anyone in my life before. You complete me Lovi, and I know I can be a jerk sometimes, believe me I know. And I know that you could probably find a better guy in a split second, a guy who doesn't act like I do. But I was thinking that you could maybe move in with me. And also, maybe...drop out of university. I know it's a lot to ask but I just think it's better for you. And you know that I only want whats best for you my love."_

_"Y-You want me to...drop out? Xander, I-I don't know. You know it's my dream to open my own restaurant."_

_"I know, I know. But Lovi you know how hard it is to keep up a restaurant right? I mean with the money, and the customs, and the health inspectors. Sweetie you don't want all that on your shoulders, right? And if you drop out now you know I can support you. I'm getting a degree in business, we'll have all the money we need. Can you do this, for me?"_

_"Well...I-I um...okay, okay Xander I'll drop out. I love you."_

_"I love you to angel."_

_A year passed after that, Xander got his degree in business. We had money, a big house, took lots of vacations. And for a long time I was happy, happy in the sense that I forced myself to feel that way, because I loved him._

_"Lovi sweetie, how many times have I told to tell me before you go into town! I mean really?! How many times have I told you this!"_

_"I'm sorry honey, I just haven't seen my friends in ages. They wanted to catch up. And besides you were at a meeting and I didn't want to disturb you."_

_"Well thank you for being considerate to me, but you still should have called."_

_"I'm sorry...I won't do that again."_

_"It's alright. We have to be a that party by five, you should get ready, oh and take a shower to. And I keep telling you to shave your legs, so do that to okay?"_

_"Yes okay honey."_

_I took my shower, shaved my legs and under arms, styled my hair with a small side braid, put lotion all over my body, put make up on, and put my favorite cocktail dress on. Xander had told me that he prefers it when I wear girls clothes so thats all I have in my closet. As I was putting on the finishing touches to my make up, Xander walked in._

_"You look gorgeous angel. And that's a very nice dress, but don't you think it's a little to short?"_

_"No not really. Why, you don't like it?"_

_"Oh no I like it. But I was thinking maybe your dark violet dress would be better."_

_"Oh but that one's a gown, and I don't want to stand out."_

_I wore the dark violet dress to the party, I stood out like a sore thumb. But I didn't complain, I wanted to. I wanted to scream on the top of my lungs for someone to get me out of this nightmare. But I couldn't, and I wouldn't. Maybe I'll never know why I didn't. _

_The party ended at midnight. We left at ten, Xander wanted to get back home before he got drunk. He was always very good about his alcohol content, I'll give him that. When we got home I was extremely tired. I just wanted to got to bed. But Xander had other plans. He garbed my wrist, and pulled me slightly toward him._

_"Think your going to sleep huh?"_

_"X-Xand...wow!"_

_He grabbed me and lifted me up the kitchen table, so I was sitting on it. He put his lips on mine, gently, and lovingly. I knew that would most likely be going away soon._

_"You know, I saw another man looking at you at the party. Did you see him?"_

_"N-No."_

_"He was older, not your type at all. Tell me Lovi, if he went up to you and began to flirt, what would you do?" By the time he finished his sentence my dress was already off, and his mouth on my neck._

_"I-I would push him away."_

_"Yes I know you would my love. Because you would only let me do these things to you, right? Only me."_

_"Yes, Xander. Only you I-I... uh, oh god!"_

_He took my erection in hand, and began to rub it. All I could do was breath heavily, and moan so sinfully. _

_"I love you. I love you my love. I know you would never allow anyone else to do this to you...and if you did." He rammed his erection into me, he wasn't holding back anymore. I managed to muffle my scream in time with my hands around my mouth. Eyes watery. _

_"I'm pretty sure you know what would happen." His movements became slow, more gentle. He moved in and out of me with care, hitting my prostate each time. Making me go crazy. _

_Only he could do this to me, because I loved him._

* * *

That changed though. Clearly it changed, A LOT!

I gave my body up to Antonio months ago. And that poor bastard thinks he took my virginity...that poor bastard.

I'm sorry Antonio, you'll thank me someday when you realize that I'm doing this for your own good. And my as well, I want to forget, that's all I want is to forget.

Just please don't make this hard for me Antionio!


End file.
